


The Darkest of Storms Leads to the Brightest of Hopes

by ProPinkist



Category: Tales of Berseria
Genre: Angst, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I needed to heal my broken heart so I wrote hurt/comfort aftermath of The Thing, WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE JUST STAYED A BIG HAPPY PIRATE FAMILY, and Benwick and Aifread, and Eizen's relationship with them, i love the pirates so much okay, if it wasn't already obvious, it didn't work completely but I tried, oh and uh yeah spoilers up until right before the Suppression begins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 08:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: Laphicet tries to contain his grief after Aifread, but finds himself feeling lost. He's not alone though, of course; never has been, and never will be.





	The Darkest of Storms Leads to the Brightest of Hopes

**Author's Note:**

> My first Berseria fic~ The Aifread subplot fucks me up so much, probably more than anything else in the game (and that's saying a lot, considering how much terrible, agonizing stuff happens in this damn game); I wish there was more of an aftermath to it, although I'm not sure how well I succeeded in the characterizations here. And I tried experimenting with present tense instead of past... hopefully it doesn't read as awkwardly in some places to everyone else as it does to me; if it's not well-received I'll definitely go back to what I'm used to next time. I love the pirate family so much; I just wanted them to get Aifread back and be happy with Zaveid forever ;____; (and EDNA, and EIZEN NOT DOING THE THING EVENTUALLY) ughhhhh < / 3

Laphicet has so many things he wishes to say, so much he feels that he wishes he didn’t (and he doesn’t entirely understand _why_ he does, if he’s being honest), and yet, betraying those words and feelings to almost anyone here would be a cruelty to them, he knows.

Even so, after standing on the deck for long enough, aimlessly, helplessly, heavily, his feet carry him towards Benwick, who is one of the few pirates still keeping to himself like he is, perched on top of the railing on the starboard side and watching the water below and the sky above pass by, both clear and blue and bright.

It is such a beautiful day, making the Van Eltia shine in all of her glory all the more. Everyone who must be is at work, and all the other pirates are talking amicably, like they always would be.

And Eizen is steering the ship.

The only times he has ever been up there before had been to teach Laphicet steering works, how they know exactly how many degrees to turn and know exactly where they’re going at all times; he may be the first mate, but he rarely takes over that particular role, he noticed. There is usually so much to discuss below about their mission, after all, and even before he met them, Laphicet imagines, it probably isn’t a habit Eizen was used to, and isn’t one he had felt a need to get into once things were _different_ , since…

Seeing him there now somehow finally makes it hit home. As does the forced feeling that permeates everyone’s upbeat chatter.

Laphicet’s heart aches.

Benwick now flicks his eyes slightly to the right upon sensing his presence, but otherwise says nothing, and he is grateful that he doesn’t feel like he needs to greet him. Laphicet pulls himself up over the railing so that his legs are dangling over the side of the ship; it’s a precarious position, for sure, and he half expects to hear Eleanor coming over to scold him for it, or Velvet, even though she’s sitting similarly on the opposite side, as is Benwick. But he isn’t really scared of something so simple, when there is so much else in this world to be infinitely more frightened of _(losing his will, what makes him him, again; losing Velvet most of all, but also the others, and the therions, or having to watch those he loves lose people they care about in return, whether it be Velvet, or Eleanor as she talks of her past, or Rokurou (even if he doesn’t know how to care about it, Laphicet will hurt for him, cry for him, feel all of the pain that the daemon insists he no longer can, when it finally happens), or Zaveid, or the pirates…_ Eizen… _)_ , and he trusts Benwick and everyone else here with his life, so he knows he will never fall. No: he has vowed to live, for all that must be done, and live he shall.

…But Laphicet knows that there’s a part of him that’s still a child, despite how much he wishes it weren’t so. It is right now that he feels this most keenly: the lump in his throat, the tightness in his stomach, the wetness of his eyes that hasn’t truly disappeared since what happened a few scant hours ago, that only became, and becomes, stronger, the longer he stood and watched everyone, and the longer he spent thinking. Thinking, dwelling, regretting, is always pointless, Laphicet knows; Eizen of all people would tell him that. But he can’t help it, and the desperation and uselessness and _anger_ at said uselessness he felt back then, made only worse by the sheer _willpower_ behind Eizen’s squinted and anguish-laden eyes that yet betrayed not a single hint of a tear, linger as well, and it makes him want to curl in on himself, just like he wanted to when Velvet suffered so terribly and lost herself almost completely thanks to Innominat’s appearance (he had yelled at her in irritation to save her, but that doesn’t change the fact that he had been so, so, _scared_ and _sad_ underneath it all).

He wishes this didn’t bother him so much. The pirates are stronger than he is, as they should be (and yet they were _closer_ to him than he was), and Laphicet knows he shouldn’t make this emotional upward struggle more difficult than it already is by burdening them with himself (Eleanor had hugged him earlier, clearly upset as well, and it touched him to see how much she cares and how much she has changed to be _able_ to care (though, that’s too cruel to put it: she always has had a kind heart and a kind soul, and to witness someone losing their family in front of her would always cut her deeply, no matter who they are and what walk of life they come from), and he was grateful… but it isn’t enough). And yet… whenever he imagines Eizen’s face from then, and his face whenever he would speak of his cursed misfortune and loneliness because of it (which includes the longing wistfulness and love that encompasses talk of his sister), the gleam of respect and determination in his eyes whenever he would talk of Aifread (and then, his strange and concerning distantness that permeated him so much ever since they first encountered that daemon in Aball)… and then remembers how Eizen drew Benwick off to the side when they first came back after the fight, the blond malak putting his hands on the much-younger blond human’s shoulders and pressing his forehead against his, eyes closed, speaking quiet words he couldn’t make out, but clearly hearing the startled cry that came from the other as his face crumpled into an expression that Laphicet never, _ever_ wanted to see on someone as chipper and goodhearted as Benwick… it’s all he can do to not cry. Cry, and lament about the horrible things that happen to good people (and in the back of his mind, he can imagine some voice, he doesn’t know whose, anyone’s, saying something like _but we’re not “good” people; we’re pirates, after all,_ and it makes him want to scream), and at the unfairness of it all.

“…What are you thinking about?” Benwick says beside him, as if reading his thoughts, after what has been either a few moments or a few minutes; he can’t tell. His voice is as normal as ever, but Laphicet selfishly can’t bring himself to look him in the eye, worried about what he’ll find there, and worried about what it might do to him to see.

That doesn’t make answering the question any easier, though.

“…I’m not sure really myself... About… fate.”

The words sound pathetic as soon as he says them, and dangerously close to opening the can of worms (but that was to be expected, eventually), and Laphicet hates himself for it. But what else could he say? Certainly not _everything_ he feels.

“Fate… Heh, if you had told me when I was a child that I would eventually be taken in by a _pirate captain_ , and _be_ with them as _one_ of them for a good many years after that, I wouldn’t have believed you, you know.”

Benwick sounds the tiniest bit wistful now, and Laphicet finally dares to turn his head towards him, but the other is looking out at the sea, his face completely hidden from view.

“…But that’s exactly what happened. All of us here, we had nowhere to aim for, hardly anything to hope for, and no likely decent future in sight because of where we came from… and some of us were worse off than others. And the Captain could have chosen anyone to make up his crew, people he was already certain would be reliable and knowledgeable enough to serve him… but he found us, one by one, and gave us this life on this ship, a purpose, and taught us what we needed to know. And now, I’ve been on so many wild and crazy ventures, and seen places I never would have _dreamed_ of seeing before, with more friends than I can count… and I am – I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been…. That’s how it is for everyone else here, too. …And it’s all thanks to the Captain.”

“He… gave you a course to follow… Allowed you a chance to make one.”

“Yep!”

Laphicet swallows, hearing Benwick’s cheerful reply, and tries to pull his knees up to lean into them, only to remember that he can’t without losing his balance. Instead, he simply stares down at his lap, watching as the wrinkles in his robe slowly become slightly blurry, and one hand instinctively goes up to his neck as his breath lodges in his throat, his eyes burning.

He can still remember the pain from the chokehold, too. It hurt so much. It hurts even more now (even though it doesn’t).

_“Going after **kids** now?” “Taking **hostages** now?”_

His hand lowers again, fisting, trembling, all of him shaking in anger and sorrow.

What sort of cruel fate could do that to a person? Strip them of all of their kindness and passion and everything that made them loved, and turn them into… something like _that?_ Something that is so far the opposite of who they used to be… so they’re not even recognizable anymore. How can the Abbey _do_ such a thing to so many people and malakhim _(and if_ he _can hardly stand it, he can’t even begin to imagine how_ Eleanor _feels, not to mention Eizen and Zaveid)_ , so casually and carelessly, ruining _families_ just like that? And being led by someone who Laphicet now knows used to be, at one time, just as kind and caring and loving as all of those people whose lives he now indirectly ruins?

Why did the pirates deserve this?

Why did _Eizen_ deserve this?

“Laphicet…”

His head jerks up sharply, his face reddening rapidly upon realizing that he spoke his last thought _out loud_ , and Laphicet feels his stomach churning even more as he squeezes his eyes shut, keeping his head pointed still directly out towards the ocean and wondering painfully if Benwick had been watching his anguished movements for the last minute or so.

“…I know I probably don’t need to tell you this, but… This is nothing new for us, you know?”

Despite what he says (or because of), Laphicet hears the pirate next to him inhale sharply, the sound coming out like a half-sob, and he hates himself; hates that he started this conversation, hates that he doesn’t know what he could possibly say (he can’t even reign in his _own_ emotions, so how could he know how to help _them?_ Empyrean knows they don’t even need it, if they’re not stirred up by someone selfish like himself _)_ , and most of all, hates how helpless he feels, and felt, for the hundredth time _(Why did his healing artes do_ nothing _? Why hadn’t he just used the Flames sooner? Before Eizen had to… had to…!)._

“The first mate’s curse or not, we’re pirates. Losing people is a natural occurrence of this way of life… and we’ve lost more than I care to remember. It’s just hard to tell because we… replace them.”

Now, he sounds bitter, and Laphicet can hardly stand the shakiness in his voice, but he stays as he is, doing nothing but gripping the ship railing until his hands hurt.

“When…… Ah, this was different, a-at least at first. Being without our Captain… we were always prepared for the possibility, but he’s not just _any_ one of us. We knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to him… He’d put up one hell of a fight, and it’d have to be against someone unbelievably strong, before anything did happen. So… we were prepared, but we also didn’t think we should worry. …Not even Eizen did, I think.”

At the gust of strong wind that goes by, Laphicet holds steady, his throat tightening as he waits to see if what he would hear next is what he fears.

“…And we never lost hope, and we never lost determination to find him, the first mate least of all. We would never give up, or we’re not Aifread’s pirates. …But after enough time had passed… we all had to start coming to terms with the fact that this might not end how we wanted it to… as hard to believe as that was.”

Laphicet now opens his eyes again, staring ahead, feeling the frustrating droplets flying away from his face in the wind, and upon trying to wipe them away even further, to his displeasure and horror, more continue to come. Backwards and onto the deck again he falls, unable to think about how pathetic he appears and his side to the railing as he curls in on himself, and Laphicet hides his face in his knees in shame, thinking about Eizen scolding him for crying because _didn’t you say you were prepared for anything?_ , because he’s _right_ , he _should_ have been prepared, just like they all were, just like he has always strived to be strong for Velvet, for Eleanor, for Eizen… but try as he might, he still feels so _young_ sometimes, as many big words and intelligent facts that he proclaims, and right now, it’s as if an overwhelming, bottomless sadness is eating him alive (is this how Velvet _always_ feels, underneath her enraged and angry exterior?), and crying won’t solve anything or bring anyone back, he _knows,_ and he’s only making it harder for everyone here by doing so, but no matter how hard he tries, he _can’t stop the tears, it’s too unfair, it’s too sad, why do they have to be sad, why does_ Eizen _have to be sad, why did he have to die, **whycouldn’tIdoanythingatallTHIStime**? –_

“I’m sorry, Benwick,” he cries, and his voice is muffled by his robe, and he wonders how many people he’s already attracted the attention of with his sorry, selfish spectacle. Maybe Benwick can’t even understand his words, and so he seems even _more_ pathetic. “I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for crying, but I-I… I was there, and I couldn’t do _anything!_ All I could do was watch… watch it all happen… w-watch Eizen suffer… and A-Aifread… I couldn’t heal him, couldn’t turn him human again before i-it was too late, I felt s-so helpless! But even before that… I knew something was wrong; E-Eizen knew who he was the moment we first saw that daemon a-ages ago, and he was acting strangely… I should have asked him what was wrong, tried to help him! Maybe then… we could have figured something out sooner! Even if it had had the same outcome… we could have at least _tried!_ But instead… instead i-it… it turned out like _this_ … I-I didn’t want this! I _don’t_ want this for you, or him, or anyone here! I wish I’d been stronger… strong enough… s-so that this didn’t have to happen, so that we could have come back with him… I-I’m sorry I’m so weak, I’m so _sorry,_ Benw-“

_“Laphicet.”_

He cringes, feeling tight hands on both of his shoulders and the close smell of birds, and he doesn’t dare look up, doesn’t _deserve_ to face him, even though paradoxically, _not_ having the courage to face one of the dear people that he let down so terribly makes him feel even worse even so.

“…Laphicet, can you look at me?”

The voice is softer now, and not as commanding, because kind, sweet Benwick could never be as harsh and stern as Eizen and some of the other pirates could be, and Laphicet feels his chin being lifted up slowly and only half-willingly by a finger. The other is smiling at him gently, and yet he is crying as well, and the sight only makes Laphicet grit his teeth together as fat, pitiable, childlike tears continue to pour down his own face even harder now, unable to look away but wanting to because his heart can’t _take_ it.

“Sometimes… t-this is how things just happen, yeah? No matter how badly you wish it didn’t.” His voice cracks, and it is the most painful sound Laphicet has ever heard, as the pirate covers his mouth with his hand to muffle his sobs as the reality truly hits him once again, looking away. When he turns back, his composure has returned, enough, at least, and he braves another weak smile, wiping his eyes and then proceeding to wipe Laphicet’s.

“You heard what I said earlier to Velvet? Eizen fought with everything he had, a-and the Captain went out in a way that only he could… I don’t need to have been there to know that neither of them have, and had, any regrets about the situation.”

Benwick rubs Laphicet’s head ever-so-slightly, and although no longer crying, his eyes are still teary and still hold an indescribable amount of sadness, even as his smile stays steady.

“…So… you don’t need to feel like you didn’t do enough. I know… I know that you just being by their sides… meant more to them than Eizen can ever say. I’m so grateful for that; thank you.”

And then, before he knows it, there are arms around him, warm and gentle and reassuring, and as much as Laphicet has fought to stop his tears all this time, his strength now melts away once again, and he feels himself laying his face in Benwick’s shoulder, his continued sobs now utterly silent.

“I-I’m s-sorry, I’m so sorry… I-I wanted to know him too, and I w-wanted to see all of you with him again… s-so b-badly... a-and I don’t want Eizen to have to be s-sad or lonely a-anymore…”

“I know,” Benwick replies gently, sadly, fondly. When he draws back, he holds Laphicet’s chin again, managing a watery chuckle. “…The Captain is pretty cool though, huh? D-Did you get to talk with him a little bit?”

Despite himself, Laphicet can’t help but smile, somehow, at the genuine kindness and enthusiasm in his voice, and he nods as best he can, biting his lip and blinking his eyes, as he makes himself remember how grand the infamous Aifread appeared, even in his last moments, and how familiarly and strongly he said goodbye to Eizen, with only the smallest hint of sadness.

“Yeah, he was pretty a-amazing… I wish I could have talked to him m-more.” His voice grows high, and breaks, but he pushes through it. “He told me what we needed to do next… I’m g-glad… you all and Eizen had him all this time… I bet it was a lot of fun.”

“Aye, you’d better believe it was.”

Benwick now wears a grin, and for the first time since hours ago, Laphicet feels the knot in his stomach slowly unwinding. He wipes his eyes slowly, steadying his breathing and calming down, to his relief. The throat lump is still there, a little, but he feels better, and inside, he can’t be any more grateful for these amazing people he has now, who encourage him and love him and give him everything he truly needs, and everything he needs to hear (with a little pushing, when it comes to a new identity for himself from Velvet), and put such trust and faith in him in return.

These pirates in particular, this family, are the way they are because of Aifread’s guidance. And even now, that will never be undone.

_Thank you, Aifread, for making them all so happy and close, for allowing them to follow your creed, and be proud of it. Thank you for giving Eizen hope, and making him the person he is today. …Because of him, I am partly the way I am now. So thank you for_ my _life, too._

Upon finishing his silent prayer, he stands up and his eyes open again, and Laphicet spots black pants and a wide, flared coat around them.

“Eizen!” he exclaims, glancing up quickly and yet not looking him in the eyes right away. “I-I’m sorry, I got upset, b-but everything’s fine now; I’m sorry for making a scene and going back on my resolve, it won’t happen again.”

He feels his shame returning as he apologizes, yet believing it needed to be said, but as he warily glancing around the ship, he notices that no one else is watching them at all. They are still the same as always. Only Velvet’s eye he catches from the opposite railing, but her expression is neutral if not the tiniest bit sad, and she makes no move to approach him.

“…It’s alright.”

Laphicet starts, feeling a hand on his head again, this time more forcefully, but not painfully so. His gaze shoots to Eizen’s face, and he feels both shocked and distraught at what he sees there.

_Eizen’s eyes are… red?_

“…Huh?”

“I said, it’s alright.” Eizen crouches down to his level, his hand still in place, and he looks unbelievably tired, his eyes lined with shadows and redness, as if it’s all he can do to keep himself grounded, keep himself _together_. Laphicet says nothing, even as his heart shatters even more ( _and the image from earlier that day unbiddenly wrenches itself to the front of his mind: the image of Eizen standing in that field of flowers, digging for what felt like years, insisting that no one help him, Velvet murmuring discussions about Aifread’s last advice to them with Rokurou off to the side to hide the fact that she was shaken, Magilou watching the entire task from beginning to end with a somber expression, and Eleanor turning him away and holding his shoulders comfortingly as tears of her own gathered in her eyes, Zaveid’s final and pain-stricken words before he had left still ringing in his ears, along with the sound of Eizen speaking in another language only for them to know, before he finished)_ , and if this wasn’t Eizen he was talking to, and if he hadn’t just had one meltdown already, he would hug him without hesitation.

Keeping himself from doing so is so, so hard, though, especially when the other continues.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Laphicet.” Eizen’s voice is sad, which is _so_ unlike him, and yet he is also smiling a little, weak as it is, and that too, is equally rare for the stoic malak. “…Your feelings are your own, and you don’t have to ever hold any of them back. Get mad, get sad, even cry… embrace your newfound free will. I know you want to be tough, but you’re still a boy, too. I don’t want you to have to feel like you need to be strong all the time… least of all for me.”

“E-Eizen…”

“…Still, I didn’t realize how much this affected you… and although you don’t need to be sad for us, you should be for yourself, if you need to be. ……I’m sorry.”

Eyes widening and gasping, Laphicet feels tears gathering once again, and his heart is in pieces as he sputters out protests.

“N-No, you shouldn’t have known! D-Don’t… don’t apologize… please… _please,_ Eizen… n-not now… it’s n-not your f-fault…”

He inhales shakily, letting out a small sob and trying to wipe his eyes again, and as he stares into the other’s expression, Laphicet suddenly hopes, begs, _prays_ that one day, and one day soon, Eizen will see his sister again, the sister he clearly loves with all of his heart and soul, who could give him all of the comfort that he needs, that he doesn’t even know he does, as the truest person to “family” that Eizen has, even more than the pirates, and certainly more than the five of them.

As long as he is with him, though, Laphicet will do everything in his power to help, he truly realizes and decides now. So that his fellow malak, his mentor, will never truly succumb to loneliness.

“…I’ll say this, then.” Eizen closes his eyes, and seems to take him a moment to find it in himself to say what he wishes to. When he speaks, his voice is the softest and saddest Laphicet has ever heard from him.

“…Thank you for giving me the chance to speak to him, one last time. …Thank you, Laphicet.”

His feet override his mind, and Laphicet presses himself to Eizen’s chest, not in a hug, but in something like it all the same. He doesn’t feel an embrace, but the hand is still on his head, and the arm it’s attached to presses against his head and back, keeping him where he is. Laphicet closes his eyes, soaking up the warmth and strength and comforting darkness that Eizen exudes, and crying again, but not completely out of sadness now.

_I’ll protect Eizen too, and Velvet, in whatever way they need it. Until they both can one day find happiness again._

“………You’re welcome, Eizen.”

He hopes that Aifread, wherever he is, is still watching over him.


End file.
